yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
