trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
