my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
