She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize