I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize