Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
