She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
