if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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