I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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