I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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