I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
