My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
