you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My bed smells like the plague
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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