No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like iHOP with fire
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
