In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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