oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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