I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need moral support for this bender
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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