pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
