I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
