Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
