3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
