Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
