first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
