Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize