maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
