Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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