It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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