turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
