We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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