I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
