apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
