Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
