i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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