Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize