somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
