matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
