is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
