so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just high enough for therapy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
