haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
