I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
