halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
God, I missed his penis.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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