WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
