Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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