white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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