Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Two words: blizzard sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
