He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
