Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize