I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize