I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
