just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
