Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
