I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize