The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
