Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
