Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize