I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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