You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
