Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize