he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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