I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
