Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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