Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
