woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
