Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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