so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
