matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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