I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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