I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
