so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
