Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
